Words are powerful. They have the power to build up or tear down. In marriage, they can encourage or humiliate your spouse…and such words can echo for years to come. Men, it is your choice as a husband whether you want your words and actions to bless your wife or abuse her. Learning to be a husband who blesses instead of curses is a key step towards a joyful marriage. But as the masculine gender is not known to naturally possess exceptional communication skills with the feminine gender, here are a few countdown-to-romance tips from TheBuddyBlog.com.
What are the 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 most important words a husband can say to his wife?
Read and heed.
#10 – The 10 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“Let’s flip a coin, heads I’m yours, tails you’re mine.”
Being a romantic involves reminding your wife that she is still #1. If you had to do it all over again, you would marry her again. She may laugh at such a phrase, but she will never forget it.
#9 – The 9 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“You make me want to be a better man.”
This movie line is from the 1997 flick As Good As It Gets starring Jack Nicholson. Socially stunted, the character played by Nicholson can’t say anything right, seemingly always offending the object of his affection, Carol, played by Helen Hunt. Then he utters this classic line. Yes, it is slightly pretentious, but it is an endearing way to let your wife know that she brings out the best in you and, thanks to her, you always want to be the best version of yourself. And that’s a compliment to her!
#8 – The 8 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“I love you just the way you are.”
Time inevitably proffers unwanted gifts such as gray hair, stretch marks, wrinkles, and a few extra pounds. A friend of mine from work once said, “Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads were not paved.” Well, guess what guys. Sometimes living with you is like driving down a bumpy unpaved road. So when she is feeling frumpy or dumpy, look beyond her well-earned battle stripes and let her know that you not only appreciate that she has traveled these roads with you, but that you love her all the more for it and you love her just the way she is.
#7 – The 7 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“I’d like to know what you think?”
I once had a BellSouth Vice President who used the phrase “Go ask your wife” anytime he thought you did not recognize the obvious answer. His point, often delivered with great sarcasm, was that your wife had more common sense than you, and would easily see the right decision to make. Reluctantly, I had to agree with the spirit of my VP’s perspective. If I have learned anything over my lifetime of marriage is that failing to seek your wife’s opinion or input is just plain dumb. When it comes to common sense, I possess a high school degree, my wife possesses a Ph.D. I have saved myself embarrassment and financial loss by simply asking for my wife’s advice. More importantly, it communicates respect for your spouse, respect that will enhance her self-esteem and her confidence in you.
#6 – The 6 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“What can I do to help?”
Another lesson I have learned in marriage is how to respond to those times when your wife is venting. Hearing her vent about her job, the kids, the broken washing machine, we men tend to go immediately into fix-it mode. And we assume that she actually wants us to tell her what to do to solve the problem at hand. Au contraire. Big mistake. Most of the time, I have learned through painful experience, all she wants you to do is listen. Put down the freaking i-Phone and listen. Don’t assume she wants you to do anything…yet. After she has fully vented, ask her a simple question, “What can I do to help?” You will become her knight in shining armor.
#5 – The 5 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“Let me do the dishes.”
Men assume there is an unwritten rule that males should not do housework. You need to find a better rulebook. Yes, you cut the grass and take out the trash, but that is not enough. Marriage is a partnership. Your wife is not your mother. Offering to do some of the “inside” chores will always earn brownie points. FYI, cooking dinner earns double brownie points. Helping out in the kitchen has other benefits. As one author said, foreplay starts in the kitchen. I do the dishes a lot. I am just saying…
#4 – The 4 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“You look beautiful tonight.”
These four words are best delivered without any prompting. Yes, it takes her forever to do her make-up, her hair and find the perfect dress. But most women do so because they want to look their best for their husbands. An unsolicited compliment delivered sincerely can do more to stoke the fires of romance than anything else. A real man looks for those special moments. Like the time she wears one of your old shirts as she works in the garden. The sweat glistens on her brow, and a smudge of dirt rests upon her cheek. Her hair is a mess. Yet there is an earthy beauty in that look. If you can’t see it, you’re a blind idiot. A woman doesn’t have to be dressed up for a night on the town to be beautiful. Finding her beauty in the everyday things is the mark of a romantic.
#3 – The 3 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
“I love you.”
This one should require no explanation. But for those of you who have trouble uttering those words, don’t be like the jerk who said, “I told you I loved you when we married, if that changes, I’ll let you know.” There’s a real Don Juan. NOT. Say it, mean it, live it. Happy wife, happy life.
#2 – The 2 most important words a husband can say to his wife:
You are a guy. You are going to make mistakes. Do not rationalize it, suppress it, ignore it. Deal with it. Ask your wife for forgiveness. Giving her the opportunity to hear your sincere regret and offer you the grace of forgiveness is like WD-40 on a squeaky hinge. It opens the door of romance without a lot of painful noises. Learning to admit your mistakes and saying “I’m sorry” or “forgive me” can avoid a lifetime buildup of resentment and bitterness. It is another mark of a real man. Besides, making up can be fun.
#1 – The 1 most important word a husband can say to his wife:
Yes, you can say this is an abbreviated version of #4. But you do not have to be a man of many words to communicate love and respect. One of the greatest gifts you can give your wife (and your children too for that matter) is the gift of your blessing. Call it encouragement, affirmation, admiration or gratitude, but communicating to your wife how proud you are of her, how much you still love her — unconditionally — and what an incredible woman she is, can do more for her self-esteem, security, and self-confidence than anything else you can say and do. When she hears you say “Wow” and then sees the “Wow” look in your eyes, you will have learned how to be a blessing to the most important person in your life.
Just this past week, I shared a story with my wife, and she responded by saying “Wow.” I chuckled and immediately said, “No dear, that’s my line.” She looked up and saw the Wow-look in my eyes. Having already read a draft of this blog post, she burst out laughing and enthusiastically confirmed, “YES IT IS.”
The countdown is not yet complete. Here’s a bonus. You have just read TheBuddyBlog.com’s list of the 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 most important words a husband can say to his wife. But is there a zero? Is there something special a husband can do without uttering a single word?
Yes, there is. Listen!
The author, Rachel Naomi Remen, said the following, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention… A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”
Life is busy for all of us. Guys, you come home from work, you have had a rough day, and all you want is some peace and quiet, maybe a cold drink. Your wife, having had an equally challenging day, needs an understanding ear too. Not just any ear. She needs yours. She needs you to listen. These are moments of decision for you. Moments when you can strengthen your marriage or undermine it. You decide. It’s time to listen.
Give your wife the gift that only you can give. Give her unconditional love, security, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Give her your blessing in word and deed.
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 – a countdown of words to a joyful marriage.