Newsflash! There is growing evidence that the way to a woman’s heart is through her coffee cup. Yep, I think I have stumbled across a previously unknown factor in the male-female dynamic. A new axiom that will forever change the way marriage counselors ply their trade. Henceforth, husbands will be told in no uncertain terms……..”There are few things a man can do to earn more brownie points than to buy his wife a new coffee/espresso machine.”
I know this because this week I purchased a new Nespresso Coffee/Espresso machine at Macy’s. My wife’s previous coffeemaker had started to make weird threatening noises. Worry wrinkles had begun to appear upon my wife’s brow as the fearful anticipation that a caffeine-deprived morning may come and her daily coffee routine might be disrupted. That would explain her reaction upon discovering the Nespresso Virtuoline Coffee Maker on the clearance rack at Macy’s. Her ecstatic squeal had me running over to see if she had fallen or slipped. I can only compare her response to my reaction to Georgia Tech winning the 1991 NCAA National Football Championship. Utter surprise and delight. So I did what any loving, thoughtful (fearful-of-the-consequences-if-I-don’t) husband would do. I bought the machine!
Within minutes of arriving home, she had unpacked and cleaned this java-making appliance and was ready to experience “a perfect cup through Centrifusion technology.” Her first single-serve coffee capsule, sealed for optimal freshness, promised an “intense coffee stemming from its highly roasted Nicaraguan and Guatemalan Arabica coffee beans that evoked spicy, woody, and cereal notes.” Whatever the heck that means.
It was at this critical moment that I discovered that my brownie point balance had just reached new heights. It was as if I had personally traveled to Nicaragua and picked the “fine quality Arabica” beans myself. Cha-Ching, Cha-Ching……or whatever sound brownie points make when they are piling up.
If I seem a bit overwhelmed by this, it’s because I do not drink coffee. Never have. I took one sip of coffee when I was twelve years old, and that was enough. Yuck! But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the experience – I have other similar vices. A perfectly brewed lightly sweetened tea over crushed ice is my addiction of choice. She sips her coffee. I sip my tea. Makes me think world peace may be possible. We just need more coffee beans.
After all, who can make war when they are enjoying something described as “audaciously blended, full-bodied, rounded, fragrant, perfectly balanced, smooth texture, medium intensity…” well, you get the idea. I have no clue what these words mean when it comes to a hot beverage. But then, I don’t have to. All I know is that my wife loves to drink it. And with every sip, at least for the foreseeable future, my brownie-point bank balance will grow.
And she hasn’t even tried the espresso option yet.