Any parent who survives the teenage years of their offspring has an abundance of stories to tell.  I am no exception.  However, to avoid being disowned by my five adult children, I will refrain from sharing my encyclopedia of memories I possess of their embarrassing, crazy, scary, hilarious teen years.  I’ll save those stories for my grandchildren when they are old enough to fully enjoy them.

Yet, for the sake of enlightening my adult children whose children are approaching the hormonal-run-amuck season, otherwise known as the teenage years, I thought the very least I could do is share a few insights and observations from OTHER parents who have survived the puberty experience of their children.

Allison Glock wrote this in the May 2014 Southern Living article titled, Mother Load, “‘We’re really just here to keep them alive until they’re 18,’ my husband keeps telling me about our two girls, both of whom are entering that theme park of misery known as The Teenage Years.  His mandate is easier said than done.  Mostly because it is I who wants to strangle them.”

Mothers, can you relate?

So, what other insights have parents observed and garnered on their ride through the theme park of misery?  Here are a few notes I have taken over the years from other parents.  I emphasize “other” since I would never say anything like these comments about my children.  No never.  Nada. No way.  

1. Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.
2. Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing jello to a tree.
3. Having a teenager is like having a cat that only comes out to eat and hisses if you try to pet it.
4. The best advice about raising your children is to really enjoy them while they are still on your side.
5. Don’t forget that the sole purpose of a middle name is so your child can tell when they are REALLY in trouble.
6. Cleaning house while the children are at home is much like snow blowing during a blizzard.
7. Remember, a teen’s brain is not yet fully developed.  So what are they learning by watching you?  They are ALWAYS watching.
8. Nevertheless, when a teen turns 14, they think they know everything.  Their favorite expression is “I know, Mom” told in a variety of tones and a multitude of attitudes. You never knew you were living amongst geniuses.
9. Mothers make their children clean up their rooms just when they (the teens) get their rooms the way they like them.
10. Having a daughter in middle school makes you realize every song ever written is highly inappropriate.
11. Brushing your child’s hair can be one of life’s greatest pleasures.
12. Never forget, children and grandparents are natural allies.
13. Sticky floors and filthy ovens often mean you have happy kids.
14. Your child may have progressed from Mommy to Mama to Mom but there are a hundred ways to say Mom!
15. Be patient, in just a few years your nest will be empty and you briefly enter a new phase of life…until before long the front door bursts open and there is a child calling, “Poppy!”
16. Parents must be willing to be hated and called names, at least temporarily, until someone needs money.
17. The age when teenagers stop putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard?  Some time older than 19.
18. Having a teenage daughter is a lot like living in a haunted house.  Every now and again, you’ll see a figure in the corner of your eye, hear a moaning sound and then a door is slammed shut.
19. Parents, whenever your teen can’t find their shoes, who does she blame? Her mom, her dad, her siblings, the stupid house, her mom again, God, and the universe.
20. Teens have mastered the art of the eye-roll.
21. No one told us that 98 percent of raising teens is driving them somewhere, waiting for them somewhere, or planning to go somewhere.
22. Parents are indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next.  Get used to it.
23. Parents must learn patience, because eventually, at some point in the future, the former teen realizes you are smarter than they thought.  
24. Look forward to a future phase when hugs and kisses are freely given.
25. The good news is that God gives you 12 years to develop an unconditional love for your child.  The bad news is, then they become a teenager.
26. Can you explain to me when my child ages from 12 to 17, why I age 30 years in that same period of time?
27. There are no atheists in foxholes and teenage-driven cars. The best place to learn to pray? Ride in the car your teen is driving.
28. One of the first lessons that mothers of teens learn is — not to judge other mothers.

The best way to keep your sanity during your ride through this theme park of misery is to find humor amidst the chaos.  Laughter isn’t just the best medicine; it’s a survival tactic.

Now I can’t wait til my grandkids are old enough to hear my stories about their parents, who once thought I was an embarrassment when they were teenagers.  

Just wait.