Men, listen up.

Marriage and fatherhood are life-changing experiences — for yourself, but more importantly, for your wife and children.

I’ve written before about the qualities, virtues, and attributes of a REAL man: responsibility, sacrificial love, respectfulness, kindness, self-control, humility, and tenderness, to name a few.  Authentic manhood, in other words, is defined by one’s character.  

I have long understood that a child’s image of their heavenly Father is most directly influenced by their earthly father.  If their dad is emotionally distant, a cruel disciplinarian, or overly demanding, their image of God is much the same. But a loving, kind, and patient dad makes it far easier to envision a heavenly Father with the same traits.  

Fathers make a difference.

In an earlier blog post, What I Learned from Hugh Hefner, I shared how the founder of Playboy magazine, Hugh Hefner, was raised in a Christian home but one that he described as puritanical, as there was no hugging, no kissing, and no affection of any kind shown. His response to that kind of hypocritical upbringing was a promiscuous lifestyle and a magazine that became visual eye candy for generations of young men.

Contrast that image with the father of the Prodigal Son described in Luke 15, a father whose arms were open wide, ready to embrace and forgive a wayward son.  The image of a father hugging his sobbing child reminded me of the times my shirts had been stained by the tears of my family.  Maybe it was a toddler son tearfully pointing to the boo-boo on a freshly skinned knee, or a daughter emotionally distraught with all the drama of her teenage years, or a wife who had just been diagnosed with cancer. These are the moments a real man holds his loved ones close and allows them to drench his shirt with the tears of heartache.  We men so often want to solve family issues by providing guidance and direction.  And there are times when that is appropriate.  But there are moments when a silent hug is all our wives or children may need.  In those quiet — I am here for you — moments, the silence that accompanies a loving embrace speaks volumes.  I love you. I am here for you, and it’s going to be okay. 

I remember the first time I took my shirt off and saw the tear and make-up stains left behind following a prolonged embrace with my brokenhearted wife.  Some insensitive men might be upset by the stains on their favorite golf shirt.  But, in my mind, I chose to frame the image.  It was, and still is, a reminder to be the man God called me to be.  

What better place for tears to fall than upon the strong shoulder of a loving husband or a tender father? 

The Psalmist writes in Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your record?”  

What better act for a man to demonstrate his love and comforting presence than for him to be a storehouse for the tears of those he loves? 

What better way to reflect the image of God?

Be a real man.  See the tear stains on your shirt for what they are.  Badges of honor.