Whatever happened to reasoned and respectful debates in America?

The talking heads at FOX, MSNBC, NPR, and CNN are no longer objective journalists but opinionated propagandists. It’s Left vs. Right, Liberal vs. Conservative, the Faithful vs. the Secularists.  We live in the Age of Contention and Conflict.

Social media is but a battleground of ideas. It offers distance and anonymity for those who engage in caustic name-calling. And should one find themselves with a weak argument, the answer is to shout louder to compensate for a lack of facts. Yes, we live in a culture divided and one that is hostile to truth. I am reminded of a quote by John Steinbeck.  “It takes great courage to back truth unacceptable to our times.  There’s a punishment for it and it is usually crucifixion.”

It’s a finger-pointing, name-calling, foul-mouth-shouting world out there.

As one author noted, “Outrage culture leaves little room for dialogue, understanding, or even charity…”  And while Christians are accused of being hateful, bigoted, and oppressive, we are tempted to respond in kind.

I must confess that in times past, I have been guilty of shouting out my viewpoints in a less-than-charitable tone.  I love a good debate.  I delight in an engaging dialogue where viewpoints are expressed.  How better to grow and develop than to have your perspectives defended and challenged?  But such present-day dialogues often degenerate into old-fashioned mud fights where no one wins.  We all just get dirty.

So, the question I pose to myself is — how should I engage this current culture?

Oh, one option is simple.  Shut up and mind my own business and withdraw from the public square. But what fun is that?  Worse, remaining quiet in the face of lies is nothing but cowardice.  Even worse, that’s precisely what progressives want. And when we shy away from conflict, confusion and error too often prevail.

Maybe the first question to answer is, when should I speak up? I recently came across a list of four questions often used by John Stonestreet of the Colson Center as a guide to topics worthy of engagement. 

1. What is good in our culture that we can protect, promote, and celebrate?
2. What is missing in our culture that we can creatively contribute?
3. What is evil in our culture that we can stop?
4. What is broken in our culture that we can restore?

These four questions offer a valid lens through which to evaluate whether or not we should speak and act. This leads me back to how I could engage the culture respectfully and winsomely.

In answer to that, I recalled the words of St. Peter in 1 Peter 3:15, “Always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who calls you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence.”  Tone and conduct matter.  Calm and reasoned thinking, and a charitable approach can lead more easily to changes of mind and heart. With that in mind, I crafted a mission statement of sorts on how I might behave in future dialogues, Facebook comments, and blog posts.  Admittedly, it is a work in progress, and I welcome suggestions on what I could change, add, or delete.  Such a mission requires the ability to understand, and a willingness to engage the culture with the purpose of transforming it.  By no means is this some magic formula that guarantees an inevitable result. It’s more an art than a science — an art that sometimes is messy and requires practice, finesse, and adaptability…and a humble heart.

Developing an approach to engaging the culture doesn’t mean I will win more arguments.  I must remember that I am engaging the culture not to win an argument but to serve the Lord and love my neighbor. And to engage in dialogues with a clear conscience, a commitment to truth and compassion, and, hopefully, model for others how to conduct a respectful discussion/debate with conviction and civility. As Scott Hahn reminds us in his book Reasons to Believe,  “We’re not looking for the quick comeback that will silence our obnoxious neighbors or coworkers.  We’re looking for answers that will satisfy – first ourselves and then others.”

It occurs to me that there are times when my efforts may reap a rich harvest.  Yet, more often than not, I am planting seeds that others will harvest.  But never underestimate the power of placing “pebbles in a shoe” — the act of giving someone something worth thinking about — that annoying nugget of truth that lingers long after the conversation has concluded.

Here’s my first draft of How to Engage the Culture Mission Statement. 

1. Engage others with gentleness and respect.  Respect the individual no matter how much we disagree, how contentious the issue, or how much is at stake.
2. Pursue dialogue over debate.  Seek to persuade rather than win.  Propose ideas, not impose them.
3. Always be prepared.  To the extent possible, do your research and speak truth, not conjecture.  But, don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.”  Extend the conversation by agreeing to research the issue and get back together.
4. Listen and seek to understand the opposing view. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge when opponents are correct or when you do not know the answer.
5. Learn to ask clarifying questions. Be sure to define terms to avoid misunderstanding. 
6. Be winsome.  Reflect moderation and a calm manner in your tone, and avoid a defensive or argumentative attitude. Be so relational that the other person wants to hear your point of view.
7. Pursue faithfulness rather than success and glorify God in all you do.

I have friends and extended family members who are quite vocal on Facebook and other social media platforms.  It is not unusual for them to hold views in opposition to mine.  Rather than pursue a contentious debate about why I believe they are wrong, and I am right, I have learned that their positions often have elements of truth and value.  While the issues they raise may be valid, the solutions to those issues are where we frequently diverge.

It’s easy to dismiss those who think differently than us.  It’s even more difficult to acknowledge when their concerns are legitimate, fearing they may interpret any such acknowledgment as affirming their solution. But there is little to fear so long as we speak the truth in love…with gentleness and respect. As one commentator said, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slower to shout back!”

After all, sharing the hope that is within you can be a light to those in darkness. And lighting a candle is far better than simply cursing the darkness.