Diary of a Quarantined Homeschool Mom

Laughter, as one anonymous writer said, is like a windshield wiper.  It doesn’t stop the rain but allows us to keep going. Regardless of why or how, dealing with difficult times with humor has always been a hallmark of the American spirit.  Such is the case during the current Coronavirus crisis.  Some of my favorite quips so far are:

  • We’re about three weeks away from finding out everyone’s true hair color.
  • If they close the grocery stores and we have to hunt for food, I don’t even know where Doritos live.
  • Due to the Coronavirus Quarantine, my summer body will be postponed until 2021.
  • I laugh in the face of adversity generally, because crying gives me a headache and annoyingly makes my make-up run.”

No one has been more creative than first-time homeschool moms at poking fun at themselves as they face the unexpected challenge of guiding their children through their school work. In an odd sort of way, this post is also a salute to the teachers, past, present, and future who fulfill their role with far more skill and grace than I ever could.

Using these mom-inspired Facebook posts I have imagined what a Dairy of a Quarantined Homeschool Mom would look like.   Maybe you could add a few dairy entries yourself.

Day 1:  This could be fun. I have always wondered what it would be like to homeschool.

Day 2:  Homeschool is going well.  Letting them sleep in, no need to get dressed, plan to spend at least one hour outside, one hour reading, involve them in cooking, and use the opportunity to teach math. Google has even provided a Parent’s Guide for Remote Classroom.  I have a plan.  This won’t be so bad.

Day 3:  I had to ask my son to explain this math to me just one more time. I’m very close to understanding it.  What do you mean you don’t know how to carry the one?

Day 4:  OMG, My kids will soon discover how dumb I really am.

Day 5:  After watching Frozen 1 & Frozen 2 a dozen times, my five-year-old pitched a fit because she can’t see Frozen 3 (which hasn’t been made yet).   The eight-year-old is covered in paint.  The sixteen-year-old refuses to speak to me because pandemic has ruined her social life, and it is obviously my fault.

Day 6:  Where can I find a substitute teacher for a day, a week, or longer?

Day 7:  Took a Road-trip to a local cemetery.  Told them, “see what happens when you don’t wash your hands!”

Day 8:  If I let the kids watch TV today and mute it so the subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen, does that qualify as a reading assignment?

Day 9:  Home school curriculum for today:  Cooking 101, Dishes 101A, Garbage 104.

Day 10:  Decided to add Honors Laundry and AP Vacuuming to homeschooling curriculum.

Day 11:  I have concluded that teachers do not get paid enough.

Day 12:  If anyone sees my kids locked outside today, mind your business, we are having a fire drill.

Day 13:  Had to scrape off the “My Kid is a Terrific Student” sticker off my minivan.  Just wondering, how can I get this kid transferred out of my class?

Day 14:  Hmm, maybe their teachers were right about their behavior.  Today I had to suspend two students for fighting,

Day 15: And just like that, spankings and prayer are back in schools.

Day  16:  I wonder if my “students” realize they can’t complain to the principal, because I sleep with him?

Day 17:  Just posted a notice on eBay. Will trade pre-schooler with asthma and a stubborn disposition for ANY homeschooled high schooler.

Day 18: Just realized I have started talking to myself.  Do I call that a parent-teacher conference?

Day 19:  If the schools remain closed much longer,  I’ll find the freaking cure/vaccine for the coronavirus myself before any scientist.

Day 20:  Does having your child fix you a cocktail, count as a chemistry lesson?

Day 21:  Homeschool Teacher fired for drinking on the job.

Day 22:  Alexa, Homeschool the children…and text the Governor to give teachers a raise!

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”  Anonymous

A cheerful heart is good medicine.  Proverbs 17:22  

3 thoughts on “Diary of a Quarantined Homeschool Mom

  1. This is amazingly funny!!!!! Thank you for the humor! God bless you and keep safe.

    Patti Di Rito

    On Fri, Mar 20, 2020 at 12:11 PM TheBuddyBlog.Com wrote:

    > Buddy McElhannon posted: “Laughter, as one anonymous writer said, is like > a windshield wiper. It doesn’t stop the rain but allows us to keep going. > Regardless of why or how, dealing with difficult times with humor has > always been a hallmark of the American spirit. Such is the ca” >

    Like

  2. This has made my day. Each statement is so real, and seeing the humor makes it all so much easier to get through each day that we must remain in our homes. As you might know I live alone, and I needed a good laugh.This, and all your posts, hit the spot. You are so gifted, and I personally thank God for you as your stories are such a joy to read. Thank you for sharing your gift.

    Like

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