It is a marital truth known by all women and romantically challenged men that a husband who gives a toaster/electric can opener/pool table/vacuum cleaner to his wife as a Christmas gift should first be sure he is ok being relegated to sleep on the living room couch that night.
So you can imagine my shock and surprise when, last month, a leisurely walk through Costco to buy laundry detergent was interrupted when my wife made a sudden right turn. Pointing at a display of the Cord-Free, Hassle-Free, Powerful-Suction Dyson V8 Animal + Vacuum Cleaner, she stated in a manner loud enough to draw applause from women standing nearby, “Honey, you can buy me THAT for Christmas!”
My response to the suggestion that sounded strangely like a demand was a doubtful, “Yea, right!” Been there, done that, don’t want to do that again. Seeing my incredulous look, and the need to confirm the veracity of her interest, my bride of two and a half years, turned to face me. She affirmed in words that left no doubt of her seriousness, that should I give this particular vacuum as a gift, she would be genuinely appreciative.
I smiled and shook my head in agreement. Though I admired her practical thinking, I quickly changed the subject and kept walking. All the while telling myself, don’t do it, the couch isn’t big enough for me to sleep comfortably. I also said to myself that should I decide to live dangerously and purchase this vacuum of her dreams, I better be darn sure there are other gifts to go with it. I am a happily married man and plan to stay that way. Plus, I don’t like sleeping on couches.
Christmas morning came, and she appeared delighted to unwrap a box with “the vacuum I always wanted.” Her response seemed sincere. No disdainful looks. No instructions on where I could find the sheets and blankets for the couch. A big smile was quickly followed by an even bigger hug and kiss. Whew!
Who knew I could give my wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas and survive. This might be a first. A Guinness World Record? Candidate for Husband Hall of Fame? Maybe.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I grabbed a Christmas cookie.
Oh, did I mention I also gave her an 18 inch necklace of 8 mm pearls? A string of pearls makes any vacuum cleaner look exquisite. And they make my bride look amazing too.
Cha-ching! I can hear those brownie points adding up now.
P.S. She said she does not plan on returning ANY of her gifts.