Have you ever had a desire that nothing on this earth could satisfy?  Have you ever suffered a pain or a loss that nothing in this world could console? In 2011, I experienced such grief when I lost my wife to cancer.  I eventually called this pain a Holy Ache.  More about that later.

Surveying recent events, my heart aches yet again for the tragedies occurring in Israel and the Ukraine.  It is easy to be overwhelmed by the darker side of humanity and wonder where God is in the midst of such global suffering and chaos.  So, too, during times of personal loss or injury. 

This reminds me of a recent event involving the politically progressive and controversial Women’s Soccer star, Megan Rapinoe.

In her final game before retiring, Rapinoe tore her Achilles tendon in the opening minutes of what was supposed to be her swan song game before ending a two-decade career.  Frustrated, no doubt, by the disappointing turn of events during a Championship match, this non-religious feminist icon had this to say.  “I thought about it a little bit,” she said. “I mean, I’m not a religious person or anything, and if there was a God, like, this is proof that there isn’t.”  Huh?  We all can appreciate the disappointment one would feel during such a moment, but to view such events as proof that God does not exist seems a bit selfish.  One critic called Rapinoe’s comments “Narcissism at its finest.”

Contrast Rapinoe’s comments with words said to have been scratched into the walls by an unknown prisoner of a Nazi concentration camp near Cologne, Germany: “I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when there’s no one there. I believe in God, even when He is silent.”

Such faith is remarkable.  The Scriptures do not ignore those moments when God seems far away.  In Psalm 22, we read, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  Psalm 88:14  presents the Psalmist crying out, wondering why God is absent and seemingly indifferent to human suffering. “O Lord, why do You reject my soul? Why do You hide Your face from me?”  Yet, wise are the ones who realize that adversity and suffering become the crucible of fire through which our false ideologies and false gods melt away, and we are left with only one alternative.

Yes, we all experience times when God seems far away, silent, and even absent.  A sense of rejection overwhelms us. But feelings can be deceiving.

Months after losing my wife to cancer, as I struggled through the grief process, there was one biblical verse — another Psalm — that became an anchor for me.  And by anchor, I mean something I could hold on to, an immovable, unshakable truth that shined in the face of the harsh winds of doubt and the non-stop tears of grief.  That verse was Psalm 34:18.“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

I am reminded of the words of C.S. Lewis, “If I find in myself a desire, which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”  Whether it is a desire for purpose and meaning, or a desire for answers to unconsolable grief, this world offers no solutions that work.  The longing of which Lewis speaks is what I describe as a Holy Ache — a deep longing for something that can only be found outside of ourselves and beyond the material world.

Suffering a personal loss, like the death of a spouse, results in a pain deep in your soul that cannot be easily consoled. This Holy Ache is a grief that runs so deep that we call out to God with words of anger, doubt, and unanswerable questions. Until…until we learn the truth of Psalm 34:18 that He is near and offers the only true comfort — and hope.  And within us grows a longing for the day when there will be no more tears, no more pain, and no more Holy Aches.

It occurs to me that this Holy Ache is but a Holy Hope that recognizes the emptiness of what the world has to offer but embraces the fullness of what the One who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life has to offer.

So, I think I’ll ignore the narcissistic whining of Megan Rapinoe and trust the words scratched into a prison’s wall…”I believe in God, even when he is silent.”